2011, another year passes and so what

I was asked this past years end, as are many I suppose, "What are you doing New years Eve?"

"Same thing I've done for the past several New Years " I answer, "sleeping."

Maybe it's old age maybe it's cynicism. Maybe years of frustration, disappointment and my growing atheism, but at some point I realized that the clock ticking over from 11:59 to 12:00 happens twice a day every day since we've kept time doesn't make it that special when a years change is added. Oh sure in my youth I drank my way into the new year, and even fucked my way into the new year (a great way to start a year but doesn't really set the tone for the whole year)but nothing was ever that different or that exciting.
Of course the "big one" was also the biggest let down, I would have welcomed the carnage of Y2k as even a bad change (and how is it so many still don't get that the real change in the millennium as 2001?) but nope , nadda nothing. No flying cars no jet packs no BOOM.

I guess my big change was in this past decade (2010) was putting a name to my atheism. Having been brought up lutheran and seeming to date an inordinate number of catholics (and lapsed catholics) I had a hell of a time letting go, but from teh beginning I questioned, so much didn't make sense, but I was told to believe. i guess since Santa never let me down, (his persistence in getting me what I asked for increased his credibility) and since Santa seemed so real, I mean at least he showed up on TV and in the Bon Ton, he did help gods case. Then in my early teens Superstar and Godspell had made god cool, if not more tangible., But superstar was also his down fall. I realized that something was seriously wrong..i mean I was taught as bizarre and terrible as his death was it all had to happen as it did to make it fit gods (twisted) plan...so why was Judas always the bad guy? Wasn't Jesus supposed to be betrayed? wasn't that part of the process? Superstar made it painfully clear, Judas was a patsy he was set up, and aside from the jews, he was the worst in killing christ (ok so if jesus had to die then shouldn't we laud the jews? and isn't Judas a candidate for sainthood? No judas was a vile evil man. ask any christian where Judas was you'll hear "The center-most ring of hell"
but shouldn't he be forgiven? what was his sin?

He betrayed jesus.

but didn't he have to?

well after years of searching I came up with a heretical answer. his sin was despair, not betrayal.

well that still gets you funny looks from many christians.

enter Carl Sagan, witha dose of Campbell. Now I tried to blend my belief with science in a moderate veil of myth as a metaphor, but I still believed. I just was agnostic, I wasn't sure what I didn't believe in so I read. The bible, study guides, torah, I questioned nuns, priests, rabbis, ministers and preachers not out of spite but burning curiosity, and there were never satisfactory answers.
The fault I foolishly felt must be within me.

Hawkings made more sense then Luke. Sagan trumped Matthew, and then I find out that much was written 50-150 years after by men who were never there.
The council of Nicaea just cobbled together what ever it wanted to..too much was sloppy editing. If it was so damned important why all the contradiction? the loose ends the hate and war in the big 3?
And why all the rules that in the end made no sense. Why was it wrong to be gay? It seemed the most pain my gay friends had was due to this "loving god" and his deluded followers. Why is sex so bad for fun? Then you start to really read about this benevolent loving god and he comes off more like a spoiled paris hilton with a serious ego problem.

Ok so no god how about this goddess? these pagans don't seem messed up about love and sex. I had an ex who was a witch and damn did we have fun, and no useless guilt. Besides it will really shake up those sanctimonious christians, not to mention those arrogant boy buggering priests (I dunno but at some point I really got a wild hair up my ass about catholics).

It was even better because unlike many christians i actually read that book, and studied it so i used to go verse for verse against them, but it was like talking to a wall. In and around that even more dirt gets thrown up around christianity by Dan Brown. Now sure take away the fiction he still builds off of some very interesting points that can be neither proved or disproved but do show even more holes in the holy.. the foundation weakens, and so I drift as far and fast as I can. Witha big loud "FUCK YOU" to all.
I've got a lifetimes worth of fear, rage, anger and frustration to unburden and woe betide any bible thumping hack whop darkens my path.
But, I am trying to reign in my obnoxiousness and temper my outbursts. I know that I am not going to change anyone mind..but at the least I can help remove the damage and stop any more incursions by this virus of lies into the world. And I won't cease trying to get otherwise intelligent people to at least reconsider this ineffectual waste of time and energy, and stop , through silent complacency, endorsing genocide, rape, mutilation, hindering science, reason and world advancement, stop bigotry and intrusion into out very minds by an invisible ego maniacal, spoiled space daddy with the temperament of a rich teen aged girl.
"Free your minds"