Sunday, May 30, 2010

"well, after diligent market research our studies showed ...

For me, it started with a copy of the Mind's Eye production of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings [In 1979 the US National Public Radio broadcast a radio dramatization of J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings. It was produced by The Mind's Eye and has since been made available by several different companies.]
No visual but the entire thing is[so far] on youtube starting here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTledKaqoJ4&feature=PlayList&p=F1F2BBD4A7FB758B&playnext_from=PL&index=0&playnext=1

I caught the series when it first came out near the end, during the last battle at the Gates of Morder.
I was disappointed when I realized what I had missed, so when it was released sometime after in it's entirety along with the Hobbit on tape I was ecstatic. I picked it up and listened to it several times. Let's say about ten times in the first year or two. Now with the Hobbit, at six tapes,and the other three books of the series at four tapes each, for a total of 18 tapes that's not a lot of play throughs when you think about it. Especially when compared to how often a music tape got played, and those probably harder what with rewinds and fast forwards. So when after about two years I noticed some wear on the tapes. Distortions, getting stuck etc.
Sadly by that time it was no longer available at your local book store so I had to research the production company (no small feat in the 1980's without an Internet to "Google" it)
I found the company and wrote them explaining my concern of the quality. They agreed that given how often it was played and in the conditions that so few play throughs should not have caused distress on the three or four tapes in the set that were in question, and they agreed to replace the entire set with no cost. I sent back my original copy and in a few weeks received the replacements. In my first play through I started noticing a few discrepancies. Being the geek I was (OK still am) I had pretty much memorized the entire set. Lines had been edited out. Sure they were not important ones but they were good ones. If memory serves one glaring loss was the humorous classic (no it won't be verbatim)

Sam: "Stop sneaking about Gollum"

Gollum "Sneaking!? SNEAKING?"

Frodo waking up "Good morning Gollum, what are you doing?"

Gollum in a huff "Sneakin'!"

It lost something. There are probably at least seven or eight incidences were whole lines were lifted out.

Being the dork I was, I called to complain. In time I was forwarded to a spokes person (this was before the advent of the modern customer servi-useless call center)
Who hit me with this bullshit line that would come to plague me in later years:

"well, after diligent market research our studies showed that the product was improved by these changes."

Improved? how in the fuck do you improve something by taking away from it? That was when my full disdain for that Borg like entity known as "corporate" began. And as it spawned the spin doctors (no not the band) and Customer servi-useless centers more and more money saving scams were foisted upon us in order to improve products.
The next to fall was Weavers Hot Wings. Now as a Hot Wing purist I know frozen wings are not the best, but these were pretty damned good. The best part for me was the added packet of hot sauce that came in every box. For me food isn't hot until my nose runs, my eyes water and my forehead sweats.
So this little packet of orange fire was crucial to my frozen hot wing experience, then one day I opened my box of wings and dumped it out..no packet of hot sauce. OK well mistakes happen so I took it back to the store got a new one and again..no hot sauce... a third time at a different store...no sauce...What the Fuck?
So I got the 800 number off the box as well as the address sent off a fiery letter and called customer servi-useless.

"Hey! I have gotten three boxes of your hot wings and the packet of hot sauce was missing"

you know what the reply was right?

"well, after diligent market research our studies showed that the product was improved by these changes."

arghhhh!

"sorry about any inconvenience. so here let us send you a free coupon for a replacement pack of Hot Wings."

Now I buy bottles of hot sauce and also pilfer those packets of hot sauce they have at Chinese restaurants, but they are not as good as the original sauce Weavers had.

Now while not a loss but still an annoyance is MacDonald's (hey they do have decent coffee) new policy to save me time and effort by adding cream and sugar to my coffee for me. Dunkin Donuts also has this irritating policy.
NO! Don't add my cream and sugar for me, you can't, you never get it right. It's an Art. Like Sirhan Sirhan's brainwashing conspiracy, I use the coffee lady's "trigger" phrase "lots of cream, lots of sugar."

(also said by Pulp Fiction's Mr Wolf.)

They still never add enough...so another call, another letter...

you know what's coming right?

"well, after diligent market research our studies showed that the product was improved by these changes."

I guess that Madison Avenue truly believes in the old adage "Less is more"
or they are more likely money hungry whores who realize the full statement is
"Less quantity at same price is more money for us"

This blog was to be a lot longer but...."after diligent market research our studies showed that the product was improved by these changes."

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